The Package (season 8, episode 5)

written by Jennifer Crittenden, directed by Andy Ackerman
original airdate: October 17, 1996

George attempts to wow a woman at the photo store by having Kramer take seductive photos of him. Jerry refuses to accept a suspicious package, so Uncle Leo signs for it. Elaine learns that all of her doctors think she’s a difficult patient.

FEATURED LOCATIONS

The Improv and Monk’s Café are not featured in this episode.

Jerry’s Apartment
Kramer tries to commit mail fraud in order to get Jerry a refund on his broken stereo. Elaine asks the group if they think she’s difficult, and Kramer convinces George to “play the game” with the clerk at the photo store, engaging in “the timeless art of seduction.”

Central Park
New York, NEW YORK (map)
Kramer and Newman are smoking cigars in the park, discussing the Bermuda Triangle.

BERMUDA (map)
Newman and Kramer, on Bermuda and the Bermuda Triangle:
K: “Well, I really miss the Bermuda Triangle.”
N: “I guess there’s not much action down there these days.”
K: “Oh, there’s action. There’s plenty of action. That damned alien autopsy is stealing all the headlines.”
N: “Yeah, tell me about it.”
K: “See, what they gotta do is lose a plane or a Greenpeace boat in there. See, that would get the triangle going again.”
N: “What keeps the water in there? I mean, why doesn’t it disappear?”
K: “What would be the point in taking the water?
N: “It’s gorgeous water…do we own Bermuda?”
K: “No, it belongs to the British.”
N: “Lucky Krauts.”
K: “So, what do you think about that alien autopsy?”
N: “Oh, that’s real.”
K: “I think so too.”

UNITED KINGDOM (map)
When Kramer tells Newman that Bermuda is under control of the British, Newman incorrectly replies with a blunt “lucky Krauts.”

GERMANY (map)
When Kramer tells Newman that Bermuda is under control of the British, Newman incorrectly replies with a blunt “lucky Krauts.”

NYU Hospital For Joint Diseases
301 E. 17th St., New York, NEW YORK (map)
nearest subway: 3rd Avenue (L)
Elaine gets in trouble for reading her chart at Dr. Stern’s office, discovering she has been listed as “difficult.”

photo shop
New York, NEW YORK
George discovers the clerk at the shop is looking at his photos, so he decides to throw in a few showcasing the “timeless art of seduction” to pique her interest.

Kramer’s Apartment
George learns “the timeless art of seduction” after being photographed by Kramer in his apartment.

Dr. Berg’s office
New York, NEW YORK
Elaine gets marked down a second time for trying to alter her chart…and she later tries stealing it from the building. Kramer later gets his own new chart, being labeled as “difficult,” after trying to steal back Elaine’s chart.

Madame Tussauds
234 W. 42nd St., New York, NEW YORK (map)
nearest subway: 42nd Street – Port Authority Bus Terminal (A,C,E)
George mentions he took a picture next to Burt Reynolds’ wax figure for the benefit of “Photo Store Sheila.” Madame Tussauds is the main and most popular wax museum in New York City.

Uncle Leo’s apartment
New York, NEW YORK
Uncle Leo gets his facial hair singed off from his oven cleaner…while Jerry thinks his refused package detonating.

Elaine’s Apartment
Elaine gets a late night call from the American Medical Association to confirm her last name spelling, evidently in the process of being “blacklisted.”

Dr. Resnick’s office
New York, NEW YORK
Uncle Leo goes to get treated for his burned-off mustache and eyebrows, and Elaine poses as his nurse “Puloma” to get her rash treated…getting Leo’s chart marked for being “difficult.”

United States Postal Service
93 Fourth Ave., New York, NEW YORK (map)
nearest subway: 14th Street – Union Square (4,5,6)
Jerry is interrogated by Newman for attempted mail fraud in returning his broken stereo, and George is later interrogated for “some ill-conceived mail order pornography ring.”

BELGIUM (map)
In trying to help Elaine get access to her doctor’s chart, Kramer claims he’s Dr. Van Nostrand from the Hoffermandorf Neo Clinic in Belgium.

NETHERLANDS (map)
When Kramer cannot fool Elaine’s doctor by saying that he is “Dr. Van Nostrand” from Belgium, Kramer replies with “the Netherlands?”

country doctor’s office
Kramer, Elaine and Uncle Leo visit a doctor out in the country, who is tipped off about the three “difficult” patients before agreeing to treat them.