MAY 14, 2013 – Hello, internet.
It’s been five years in the making, but Maps About Nothing is now live on the interwebs for your viewing pleasure! Fifteen years to the day of Seinfeld’s swan song, we give you the ultimate stop-by-stop dissection of every single location featured in Seinfeld history! So like an all-yogurt diet, let’s start the insanity!
MAY 16, 2013 – Lord of the manor.
It’s as if WordPress knows me already! It’s got everything I’ve always wanted in a blog host…except for the walking.
MAY 22, 2013 – A few housekeeping items…
A few minor updates to the following pages: “The Bizarro Jerry” / Greece, “The Good Samaritan” / Switzerland, and “The Letter” / Colombia. Now will that be a tuck, or no tuck?
MAY 26, 2013 – No touching!
Happy returns to the brilliant sitcom “Arrested Development!” And kudos to the many “Seinfeld” faces of the O.C. (we won’t call it that), whether it be Christine Taylor (Sally Sitwell), John Michael Higgins (Wayne Jarvis)…or Lainie herself, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, as the ambiguously-blind/pregnant attorney Maggie Lizer!
MAY 27, 2013 – It’s a security issue!
To all the brave men and women who wear and have worn the uniform – whether you’re slinging hash for the Fighting 103rd, sleeping tight in your quilted Chambray nightshirt, or have a military career that’s classified, a very happy Memorial Day to you!
MAY 28, 2013 – Toronto trivia!
If you’re in the Toronto area, be sure to check out “Seinfeld Super Terrific Happy Hour Trivia” on Wednesday, June 12! It’s free, at Unlovable (1415 Dundas St. W.), and has great prizes to be won! Serenity now!
JUN. 4, 2013 – It’s June!
That’s all…as you were.
JUN. 7, 2013 – Imagine, spelling Mom with two O’s!
Two teeny updates to report – turns out that the infamous law firm of Sagman, Bennett, Robbins, Oppenheim & Taft is based on a real firm! Updates made to “The Stake Out” and Lower Manhattan South to reflect this.
JUN. 11, 2013 – Game of Sein
A fun little aside from the Maps About Nothing project – what would the banners and houses of the characters of Seinfeld be like in the universe of Game Of Thrones? Find out.
JUN. 13, 2013 – Jimmy’s in trouble, Lois!
The latest epic film about the gang’s favorite superhero is in theaters tomorrow – Man Of Steel! While the film may not showcase Clark Kent’s humorous side, have Superman combatting bad BO, feature the villain Bizarro. or have him heading to his Fortress of Solitude just to “get away from it all,” surely it will be a huge hit. You can always trust a man wearing a cape!
JUN. 14, 2013 – Keith Hernandez!?!
June 14, 1987! Mets! Phillies! Happy 26th birthday to the “Magic Loogie!”
JUN. 20, 2013 – Hobnobbing with the D’s and E’s!
Congrats to the Miami Heat on winning their 3rd NBA Championship! The Heat now can celebrate with a visit to Saks Fifth Avenue, and a ticker-tape parade that’s sure to take them “right downtown!”
JUN. 24, 2013 – Hang on to your jacket!
Congrats to the Chicago Blackhawks on winning their 5th Stanley Cup! Hopefully you managed to get a nice limo ride (perhaps under an alias) to watch the game on your new friend’s nice TV! Hate The Drake!
JUN. 29, 2013 – 14 years, down the drain!
Happy anniversary to Jerry’s epic vomit streak, first started on June 29, 1972, and then again on June 29, 1980…until the infamous black & white cookie incident of ’94. If we can’t look to the cookie, where can we look?
JUL. 4, 2013 – Ya’ll come back real –
Happy birthday, America!
JUL. 5, 2013 – You can’t over-die, you can’t over-dry.
Hard to believe, but today marks the 24th anniversary of the pilot episode of Seinfeld hitting the airwaves! Cheers to the infinite love and appreciation of nothing!
JUL. 8, 2013 – Another Toronto trivia!
Time for Round 2 of “Seinfeld Super Terrific Happy Hour Trivia” on Thursday, July 18! See if you and your friends can stay sharp and sober enough to win the coveted Sacamano Cup! It’s free, at Unlovable (1415 Dundas St. W.), and has even better prizes to be won!
JUL. 16, 2013 – We’ve been outed! We weren’t even in!
Our sincerest thanks to the kind folks at Gothamist for featuring Maps About Nothing! And my apologies to Washington Heights, Inwood and Harlem north of 179th St. – I didn’t yada yada you, the show did! Serenity now!
JUL. 17, 2013 – Gold Jerry, gold!
It’s been quite the 36 hour span here at Maps About Nothing! Since our site was “outed” by Gothamist yesterday, we’ve since been featured on AV Club, Time Out and Curbed, have had thousands of visitors from across the globe (we’ve even been featured in Portuguese), and most importantly, been able to hear from you, the fans! A lot of minor updates have been made thanks to your helpful tips, so kudos to you and keep them coming! And come on back, cause Jimmy’s gonna have some new content! Hoochie mama!
JUL. 21, 2013 – Well, they do work on tips…
The madness continues! We’ve now been featured on sites like Reddit, Chortle and Relevant, and offer our continual thanks for providing your helpful tips and info! The following location details have been updated thanks to your help – Rappaport Pharmacy (Upper West Side South / “The Diplomat’s Club“), Bolo (Midtown South / “The Chaperone” / “The Seven” / “The Junk Mail“), St. Vincent’s Hospital (Lower Manhattan North / “The Opposite“), Mrs. Peterman’s (Brooklyn / “The Secret Code“), Baltimore (Maryland / “The Switch“) and Detroit Airport (Michigan / “The Implant“). Please keep comments coming!
JUL. 23, 2013 – They just follow the planes…
We’re proud to introduce a new fun feature that brings our obsession to a whole new level – The Astonishing Travels Of Seinfeld! Ever wonder who logged the most travel miles in the history of the show? No? Well click over anyways to find out!
AUG. 20, 2013 – More trivia!
Long time no speak! A quick update, there will be another edition of “Seinfeld Super Terrific Happy Hour Trivia” on Thursday, September 19! That’s almost the first day of autumn – leaves changing, all that crap! It’s free, at Unlovable (1415 Dundas St. W.), and has prizes and cheap beer!
AUG. 24, 2013 – An epic update for world domination!
After making a “shocking” discovery about the true boundaries of the Congo in the game of Risk, updates have been made both to “The Label Maker” and the Congo‘s page. People cannot be trusted!
AUG. 26, 2013 – But my feet, my feet are resilient!
Big kudos to the great folks at Scoutmob NY for featuring Maps About Nothing yesterday! A wonderful little article, even with a nice callout to the Himalayan walking shoe – which has inspired an Asia entry to cover off that miss! Thanks for the catch Scoutmob!
SEP. 3, 2013 – Another update for world domination!
Happy back-to-school fellow Newmaniums! We spent all weekend dwelling on continents, in light of our new Asia page that’s just been developed – so, the pages for Tanzania, Uganda and the Congo have been consolidated into a new Africa page, to keep to true facts, make navigation easier, clean up “The Foundation” and “The Label Maker,” yada yada yada…
SEP. 22, 2013 – I saw the sunrise at Liza’s!
A big congrats to all the winners at the 2013 Emmy Awards, but in particular those who have emerged from the Seinfeld universe – whether for smaller characters like Anna Gunn or Bryan Cranston for wins on Breaking Bad, or for our dear “Lainie,” Julia Louis-Dreyfus, with her record-breaking nom and win for Veep! In the words of that famed Tony winner, “it truly has been a Scarsdale Surprise!”
SEP. 29, 2013 – Hand me a schtickel of Blue Sky…
We wish a fond farewell to the brilliant series Breaking Bad, which ended its five season run this evening. Who would have thought that a failed doctor, a cousin-cheating girlfriend and JUST a dentist could make for such great TV? That Walter White, he’s a troublemaker!
OCT. 30, 2013 – Game six!
Congrats to the Boston Red Sox on winning their eighth World Series title! Hopefully this will help erase those painful memories of Mookie, Keith Hernandez and Game Six once and for all!
NOV. 18, 2013 – Just pants, pants, pants!
Thanks to a catch from Carl Reiner’s new book I Remember Me, a missed location highlighting the Algonquin Hotel from “The Phone Message” has now been included. Also, the book makes for a great read, full of amazing stories from Reiner’s career, and even a plug from Jerry Seinfeld himself on the back cover!
DEC. 9, 2013 – A trivia for the rest of us!
Super Terrific Happy Hour Trivia returns to Unlovable in Toronto! Join in on the shenanigans Thursday, December 19 – check out all the details on our Facebook page!
DEC. 23, 2013 – Festivus is who you are!
Welcome newcomers, and a very very Happy Festivus to the rest of us! Here’s to hoping your holidays are chock-full of feats of strength, and airing your grievances with your family and friends…I’ve got a lot of problems with you people!
DEC. 31, 2013 – Is this mouth vacuum thing for real?
A very happy new year to all our amazing visitors from across the globe! Here’s to a happy and exciting 2014, and to that hoping we can all finally breathe underwater and speed-dial from our minds!
JAN. 13, 2014 – There’s Gregory Peck’s bicycle!
Although our dear Julia Louis-Dreyfus was bested by not one, but two Amy’s, at the 2014 Golden Globes, a big congrats for pulling in noms both for TV and film (and for providing one of the biggest laughs of the night)! Also a big night for the former Dr. Whatley, Bryan Cranston, as well as a big Best Supporting TV Actor win for Jon Voight…not the periodontist!
JAN. 22, 2014 – A Kroner comprehension problem.
A huge thanks to eagle-eyed Norwegian reader Jon Are Hellevangsdal, for noting that the Oslo airport originally listed in “The Butter Shave” was not opened until a year after the episode aired! Well done sir, apple juice for you!
FEB. 1, 2014 – What the hell is wrong with chicken?
In celebration of this week’s season 3 finale of “Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee,” we here at Maps About Nothing have taken our obsession one step further, proudly presenting Maps About Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee. Enjoy, and here’s to many more seasons, wheels, comics and java!
FEB. 2, 2014 – You don’t put out a chip?
Congrats to the Seahawks, from “the pesto of cities,” yada yada yada…how about that halftime performance from Jerome and Gorgeous George? A full breakdown of the epic reunion, “The Over-Cheer,” is up! Here’s to hoping this isn’t the last we see of the Seinfeld gang!
FEB. 7, 2014 – Eugene “The Real Deal” O’Neill!
In honor of the coming Olympic Games in Sochi, we bring you a neat new feature here at Maps About Nothing – a new page dedicated to the “Olympic Moments & Facts” series of ads produced in the lead-up to Season 4 for the 1992 Summer Games in Barcelona! See what you can learn (or not really learn) from Jerry, George and Kramer taking on the Olympics!
FEB. 23, 2014 – A new contender has emerged…
Congratulations to all the participants and medallists at the 2014 Olympics in Sochi! Big winners from Norway, Russia, Canada, and about two thousand losers! They trained, they worked out, they exercised, they did everything, they were doing push-ups, sit-ups, they never did anything but exercise and work out for 20 years, they flew half way around the world and aaaaaaaaaah! Photo finish! Silver.
APR. 29, 2014 – This is who we are to the bitter end.
Long time no speak! A very happy sixtieth birthday to “Jerry The Great,” Jerry Seinfeld! While birthdays may just be merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we’ve grown, we are hopeful that Jerry’s better self will emerge, inevitably, irrevocably…happy birthday? No such thing.
MAY 5, 2014 – Sales commission bye-bye-o!
Happy Cinco De Mayo everyone! Throw on your hirachis and celebrate! Machu Picchu!
MAY 14, 2014 – Happy Anniversary!
Hard to believe that it was just one year ago that Maps About Nothing came online, like a Phoenix rising…from Arizona! One year later, and we’ve been featured on numerous outlets, had hundreds of thousands of visitors, and ensured that a new ark of Seinfeld nothingness lives on for eternity! To celebrate this occasion, we present A World Of Nothing, to show just how far the reach of nothing has gone in the past year. So once again, happy anniversary, Merry Christmas, congratulations, it’s a boy, and our deepest sympathies…signed, the whole office.
MAY 22, 2014 – It’s back!
The (not-so) long awaited return of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee is upon us – the news was just announced today that Thursday, June 19 is the start of Season Four! Check back with Maps About Nothing after each episode as we obsessively continue to track Jerry and some huge names in the comedy and entertainment world, as they peruse America in search of java and light conversation!
MAY 23, 2014 – Newsweek?!?
In our effort at Maps About Nothing to always self-improve, we have found another error we have rectified – and now marked off another great state featured on Seinfeld! You can now find updates both in “The Junk Mail” and Nebraska, meaning there are only 5 states (Iowa, Mississippi, North Carolina, Oklahoma, West Virginia) still unaccounted for! As always, if we’ve missed anything please Contact Us!
MAY 26, 2014 – Maybe I could be a land guy…
Though Seinfeld serves as a shining examples of the worst kind of military personnel (see: Cosmo Kramer, Frank Costanza), we here at Maps About Nothing salute those who wear the uniform this Memorial Day!
JUN. 1, 2014 – Once again…
JUN. 13, 2014 – Don’t whistle on the elevator!
You may have noticed some changes over the last few days, as we’ve now completed adding, for your reading convenience, the nearest subway (and their associated lines, featured in brackets next to each listing) to all NYC-based locations featured on Maps About Nothing! Now you can track down the Seinfeld hotspots easier to relive the history, take a selfie at a famous spot, or go Keith Hernandez-hunting…not that there’s anything wrong with that!
JUN. 14, 2014 – It’s L.A. – nobody leaves!
Congrats to the Los Angeles Kings on winning their second Stanley Cup in three years! Hopefully the good people of L.A. can commit to no five-nineteens during the victory parade, and just be glad you didn’t have to play the DEVILSSS!!!
Also, happy 27th birthday to the infamous “Second Spitter” incident – we knew it couldn’t be you, Keith!
JUN. 15, 2014 – Flaming globes!
Congrats to the San Antonio Spurs on winning their fifth NBA Championship! They may have lost to Cleveland back in the days of Tor Ekman, but they’re back on top now!
JUN. 29, 2014 – Look to the cookie…
Once again, on this day, we commemorate 14 years, down the drain. It’s almost as if he had David Duke and Farrakhan fighting down there…
JUL. 4, 2014 – This is America!
You don’t have to wear anything you don’t want to wear…especially ribbons! Happy birthday USA!
JUL. 5, 2014 – You know why we’re here?
It is truly remarkable to look back upon the fact that “The Seinfeld Chronicles,” aired the day after Independence Day in the hopes of being burned as a one-off, aired 25 years ago today! Who could have predicted the social impact, entertainment value, cultural yada yada yada that Seinfeld could have brought to the world? The big 2-5 is being celebrated the world over, from features in Time, CNN, even Moviefone(!), and is even being getting its own minor-league baseball night from the Brooklyn Cyclones! It’s kismet Jerry, kismet!
JUL. 7, 2014 – This city would eat you alive!
We’re blown away to learn that even a year into this site, and 25 years since the first Seinfeld ever aired, that we’re still being featured by great publications, like the new article on The Atlantic’s CityLab about “The Geographic Legacy of Seinfeld!” One item to note though, author Eric Jaffe – you say, while our site catalogues the locations brilliantly (and thanks for that!), that a full list of locations could be infinite. Well, we say that our list is complete, fully detailed, most definitely not infinite, and if we may say so, somewhat sophisticated!
JUL. 13, 2014 – Go along! Go along!
Congratulations to Germany on defeating Argentina to win the 2014 World Cup! We know the Argentines must have been devastated being dumped by a proverbial “wall” of strong defense, but the Germans can celebrate tonight like it’s Hitler’s last days!
JUL. 17, 2014 – And that’s a wrap…
Just like that, another season of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee has wrapped! Be sure to check out Maps About Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee to catch up the geography minutiae of all Season Four episodes!
SEP. 9, 2014 – Straight from the vault!
Hellooooo! A little bit of weekday reading to get over the summer blues for you – a new addition to Maps About Nothing, “The Bet,” the infamous lost episode from 1991 deemed too controversial to put on the air! Read up on the history and locations on this strange little tidbit of Seinfeld history!
OCT. 3, 2014 – Back again, baby!
New details have emerged on Season Five of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee, which returns on Thursday, November 6, and will feature Jimmy Fallon, Kevin Hart, Amy Schumer, Bill Burr, Ali Wentworth (yes, “Schmoopie“), Fred Armisen and Miranda Sings! Keep checking in with Maps About Nothing after each episode in the fall for updates on where they have all been!
OCT. 29, 2014 – Swinging San Francisco!
Congratulations to the San Francisco Giants on their eighth World Series title victory! The gender-bending Giants are now tied for fourth in all time World Series wins, slowly catching up to the New York Yankees! Big Stein is gettin’ nervous!
DEC. 18, 2014 – And just like that…
Gone again – another season of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee has wrapped, with a two-part finale starring Jimmy Fallon! But you can relive all the fun by remembering Season Five with Maps About Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee!
DEC. 23, 2014 – Happy Festivus!
We’ve made it another year – it’s a Festivus miracle! A happy Festivus to the rest of us!
DEC. 31, 2014 – It’s February!
A very happy new year to you and yours for 2015! And just be glad we here Happy New Year’d you at the right time, not in March!
JAN. 9, 2015 – Sacamano Sr. screwed me!
A big thanks to the folks at Stimulant for featuring our fun little site! But you can try all you want, it’s not that easy to find Bob Sacamano! Sacamano Sr., on the other hand…
FEB. 1, 2015 – Don’t talk to me about hardship!
Congratulations to the New England Patriots, home to Elaine’s “safety school,” on their fourth Super Bowl title! Sure, it may not have been as “eventful” as last year’s game, but was still a great victory nevertheless!
APR. 14, 2015 – It’s that time of year…
When details about the new season of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee emerges! Season Six, which returns on Wednesday, June 3, will feature comedy heavyweights such as Stephen Colbert, Jim Carrey, Bill Maher, Trevor Noah and Steve Harvey…oh, and some unknown actress named Julia Louis-Dreyfus. Wonder if she’s funny?
Either way, very exciting things to come this summer!
MAY 5, 2015 – Cinco de Mayo numero uno…de mayo!
Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone! It’s this new thing Marcellino turned us on to, and he’s one sixty-fourth Mayan!
MAY 14, 2015 – We conceived this 2 years ago!
Happy birthday Maps About Nothing – the site we do own and built with the money we do have!
MAY 21, 2015 – Watch out for those lizards!
Our congratulations to David Letterman on a well-deserved retirement after 33 years of hosting The Late Show! And what better way to go out with a visit from Lainey and “Jimmy” to boot!
MAY 24, 2015 – Anne Meara, 1929-2015
Our condolences go out to the family of Anne Meara, the wife of Seinfeld‘s Jerry Stiller and mother to Ben and Amy Stiller, a comedy legend and regular from The Ed Sullivan Show, Rhoda and Archie Bunker’s Place. As comedy partners with Jerry as the duo “Stiller & Meara,” surely much of the comedy genius that manifested in Frank Costanza in the Seinfeld years was inspired by their 61 years of marriage. We will miss you, Anne.
MAY 25, 2015 – You were in the Army?
A very happy Memorial Day to all those that have put on, and continue to put on, the uniform – even our very own L.D.!
JUN. 14, 2015 – JUNE 14, 1987!
Happy 28th birthday to the infamous Keith Hernandez spitting incident! We will never forgive you, Roger MacDowell!
JUN. 15, 2015 – If things don’t exactly work out…
Congratulations to the Chicago Blackhawks on winning their sixth Stanley Cup title, and third in five years! Time for George to get his Blackhawks jacket updated – just needs to ensure Jerry won’t forget it this time!
JUN. 17, 2015 – He’s got nothin’!
Congratulations to the Golden State Warriors on winning their fourth NBA Championship, and first in 40 years! But since there were never any Oakland references, and one small San Francisco reference, in nine seasons of Seinfeld…we got nothin’!
JUN. 23, 2015 – The Gray Lady!
We are thrilled to be included in The New York Times‘ “Food Tour of Seinfeld’s New York,” all in the lead-up to Seinfeld’s debut on Hulu this month! We’ve had some great coverage so far, but to be included in the Times is a whole new level of thrilling!
JUN. 29, 2015 – 35 years of 14 years!
Hard to believe this marks the 35th anniversary of the last vomit of Jerome Seinfeld – June 14, 1980! 35 years of 14 years, down the drain!
JUL. 5, 2015 – That means “from Vinci!”
Happy anniversary to our favourite show, which debuted 26 years ago in the midst of America’s Independence Day hangover! So a very happy birthday to both the show and America, which we would have congratulated yesterday…but we had our watch set to Da Vinci time!
NOV. 2, 2015 – George is gettin’ upset!
Congratulations to the Kansas City Royals on their second World Series title, their first since 1985! Sure, it came at the expense of Jerry Seinfeld’s beloved Mets, who brought us Keith Hernandez, Mr. Wilhelm as head of scouting and the second spitter, but we’re not bitter…
DEC. 6, 2015 – Howard West, 1931-2015
Our condolences go out to the family of Howard West, who with partner George Shapiro, managed Jerry Seinfeld to his massive success with the show Seinfeld. Without the guidance of Shapiro West & Associates, one wonders what the television comedy landscape would be like today without the legacy of Seinfeld to break so many rules and set the bar so high. We will miss you, Howard.
DEC. 21, 2015 – Festivus Comes Early!
It’s a Festivus Miracle 48 hours ahead of schedule! The season announcement for Season 7 of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee came today, with news that Jerry will be joined by Will Ferrell, Steve Martin, Kathleen Madigan, Sebastian Maniscalco, Garry Shandling, and even President Barack Obama, starting on Wednesday, December 23!
DEC. 31, 2015 – To the Newmanium!
…or something like that. Anyways, Happy New Year to you and yours, on this, the Eve of the New Year, following the Eve of New Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee!
FEB. 7, 2016 – Sheriff.
Our congratulations to the Denver Broncos on winning their third Super Bowl tonight! While there may have just been a tiny reference to Denver in nine seasons of the show, they did just defeat a quarterback who likens himself to Superman in swinging San Francisco, so hey, that’s something, right?
MAY 5, 2016 – …Bicyclist.
A very happy Cinco De Mayo once again to all of our readers! Slap on your best urban sombrero and hit the town – hopefully all on Peterman’s peso!
MAY 14, 2016 – No such thing.
Happy birthday to Maps About Nothing, which today escapes the terrible twos and enters the terrible threes!
MAY 30, 2016 – The best medicine!
What better way to honour our brave soldiers and veterans with the gift of laughter – the official announcement of Season 8 of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee, starting June 16!
JUN. 13, 2016 – Forget this game!
Our congratulations to the Pittsburgh Penguins on winning their fourth Stanley Cup – no mentions of the city on the show, but at least these Penguins didn’t have to wear cotton uniforms!
JUN. 14, 2016 – June 14!
You know what that means!
JUN. 19, 2016 – She’s boring, I’m boring, we’re both boring.
Our congratulations to the Cleveland Cavaliers on winning their first ever NBA Championship! While it was certainly a thriller for a title to return to The Forest City, one such fan didn’t seem to think so:
JUN. 29, 2016 – Can you believe it?!?
Today we return to commemorate the epic vomit streak of one Jerome Seinfeld, ended and simultaneously started both in 1972 and 1980. That damn black and white cookie…
JUL. 4, 2016 – You gotta mulch. You’ve got to!
Happy birthday to all of the Anytowns of the USA – enjoy your barbecues, fireworks, and of course the azaleas!
JUL. 5, 2016 – Claire?
Today we commemorate the 27th anniversary of the airing of “The Seinfeld Chronicles,” which started a TV revolution about nothing, and marked the first and last appearance of the mighty Claire. Today we remember her, and what may have been (or not)…
AUG. 21, 2016 – Now, to now!
Our congratulations to all the athletes and winners at the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio de Janeiro, including the big three winners, Team USA, the United Kingdom and China. Not to mention Olympic legend Michael Phelps, the second biggest name to ever come out of Towson – behind one Elaine Marie Benes, of course!
NOV. 3, 2016 – What if there are more?
Our congratulations to the Chicago Cubs on winning their third World Series title, ending the “Curse of the Billy Goat” with their first championship since 1908! Their first championship since the time before the television, passenger planes, back even when Teddy Roosevelt was President! “Trustbuster”…bust this!
DEC. 21, 2016 – Season nine!
It’s an early Festivus miracle – season nine of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee! The show, which will now officially tie Seinfeld in total seasons, this year will feature Kristen Wiig, Norm MacDonald, Cedric The Entertainer, Lewis Black, Christoph Waltz and Bob Einstein, Jerry’s first repeat guest! All the fun starts January 5, for your post-grievances enjoyment!
DEC. 31, 2016 – I’ll see you two in the 21st century.
A very happy new year to all of our visitors and Seinfeld fans around the world. Hopefully 2017 is less crap-tastic than 2016 has been, and that some new Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee will start the year off right!
FEB. 5, 2017 – Enough with the bar already!
Congratulations to the New England Patriots for winning their fifth championship at Super Bowl LI! Safety school city for the win once again!
FEB. 18, 2017 – Warren Frost, 1925-2017
Our condolences go out to the family of Warren Frost, the versatile character actor best known for his roles on Twin Peaks, Matlock, and for playing Mr. Ross on Seinfeld, who died in Vermont yesterday at the age of 91. We will miss you, Warren.
MAY 5, 2017 – No wonder we’re getting so much rain.
A long overdue hello, and a very happy Cinco de Mayo to everyone! Celebrate the day by going a little native…get the feel of their condiments, of their unmentionables, you know, the real uh, nitty gritty!
MAY 14, 2017 – You screwed me again, Costanza!
Happy fourth birthday to Maps About Nothing, also commemorating the 19th birthday of “The Finale” – just make sure you don’t keep our card under glass!
MAY 29, 2017 – You’re going in there soldier!
Wishing all members of the Armed Services a very happy Memorial Day today, honoring those who have served and continue to serve. The ones who get sent out into no man’s land, who get shot down and crawl all the way back. They can do it, I tell ya!
JUN. 12, 2017 – I’ve got to unlock this mystery!
Our congratulations go out to the Pittsburgh Penguins and Golden State Warriors on winning the Stanley Cup and NBA Championship, respectively – these teams keep winning so many titles, we wonder if they just have a closet full of trophies like Superman (or Christie) has outfits!?!
JUN. 14, 2017 – Never forget.
Thirty years since June 14, 1987, that tragic and fateful day in the left field stands…
JUN. 29, 2017 – Where can we look?
We reconvene again on June 29, to honour the death of a legendary fourteen year streak. For what, you may ask? Keeping the gastroentinetic peace in the inner bowels of Jerome Seinfeld. We must continue to move forward, and as always, look to the cookie…
JUL. 5, 2017 – What’s wrong with pal?
A very happy birthday both to the pilot episode (turning 28) and America (turning 241). To a wonderful show / country, a great pal, and more, we have copies of “The Collected Works Of Bette Midler” for you both!
OCT. 1, 2017 – A new level of nothing.
To celebrate Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee making its debut on Netflix soon, we took on Jerry’s first Netflix special, Jerry Before Seinfeld, capturing every detail of Jerry’s long-awaited return to New York’s historic Comic Strip!
NOV. 1, 2017 – Look at that cute little bastard!
Congratulations to the Houston Astros on winning their first ever World Series title – those sons of bitches did of a hell of a job beating those bastards from Los Angeles!
DEC. 23, 2017 – It’s part of who you are.
As with every year on this date, we pay tribute to the great and almighty Festivus, as we air our grievances and showcase our strengths to close out another year…a particularly disappointing one this year, as there was no Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee announcement as there had been the past two years…well, we had some good times.
DEC. 31, 2017 – Think again, long shanks!
A happy new year to all of our visitors and friends from around the world that have made 2017 another great year for Maps About Nothing. Let us rejoice as we start 2018 with Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee on Netflix on January 5, with a new season to follow! And don’t forget, you can never have too much ice!
FEB. 4, 2018 – Elaine, the song.
Congratulations to the Philadelphia Eagles on winning Super Bowl LII, their first championship since 1960! Glad to see the world can share the Eagles in at least one way…
FEB. 25, 2018 – Hamstring.
The 2018 Winter Olympics in PyeongChang, South Korea have wrapped, with the likes of Germany, Norway and Canada coming out the big winners…those guys, those are our kinda guys. Faces like a big apple pie!
MAY 5, 2018 – Shove it.
Hola! It’s Cinco de Mayo everyone – get your hirachis on and get ready to dance and strut for two days!
MAY 14, 2018 – You look like you’re five years old!
Happy fifth anniversary to this lil’ interpose we call Maps About Nothing, and happy twentieth anniversary of The Finale! We plan to celebrate our wood anniversary by surrounding ourselves in wood, cause we need wood around us…whaddya tip a wood guy?
MAY 28, 2018 – You wouldn’t last a day in the army.
Today, we honor those who suffered many a hot night, the mind racing, the ones who have a tough time keeping their feet dry when kicking in a skull. Sleep tight, mates!
JUN. 7, 2018 – Just bring it in sideways and hook it!
Our congratulations go out to the Washington Capitals on winning the Stanley Cup for the first time in their 44 year history! The Cup should go straight to the Smithsonian…or at least in the dumpster behind the Smithsonian.
Oh, and also…Season 10 of Comedians In Cars!!!
JUN. 8, 2018 – Put me down! I’m down!
Congratulations to the Golden State Warriors for winning their sixth (and second straight) NBA championship, defeating the Cleveland Cavaliers once again, this time in a sweep, for their fourth straight meeting in the finals…playing for everything, anything, something, nothing – who the hell cares?
But let’s not forget better things…like Season 10 of Comedians In Cars!!!
JUN. 14, 2018 – I’m hit!
We meet again on this day to commemorate the infamous Mets-Phillies spitting incident of 1987. Nice game, pretty boy Keith Hernandez!
JUN. 29, 2018 – That was the dry heaves.
Today we again commemorate the fourteen year vomit streak of Jerry Seinfeld, which began June 29, 1980 and was tragically cut short on February 3, 1994…and our-now six year streak of commemoration, which really isn’t such a long streak.
JUL. 4, 2018 – That’s why we’re here in America!
What better way to celebrate both the land of the free’s birthday and the show of the nothing’s 29th anniversary on July 5 with a fresh batch of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee to soothe your holiday hangover this Friday, July 6! Check out Maps About Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee once you’ve had your first few cups!
JUL. 15, 2018 – Maybe I’ll check out France!
Congratulations to France on winning their second World Cup title! You can be sure they are partying outside the Eiffel Towers (not the Tower, the apartment complex) in Paris tonight! If we find Joey’s dad in the celebration we’ll be sure to send a postcard!
OCT. 28, 2018 – He’s Keith Hernandez!
Congratulations to the Boston Red Sox on winning their ninth World Se…actually, no! There is nothing to celebrate, since this World Series was MISSING Keith Hernandez on Fox Sports! Come on, he won the MVP in ’79, he can do whatever he wants to! Nice job, pretty boys – George is gettin’ upset!
DEC. 23, 2018 – You’ll get yours in a minute.
Once again, it is Festivus. You have once again all disappointed me, and I still have a lot of problems with you people, and now…I lost my train of thought.
DEC. 31, 2018 – Sweet fancy Moses!
A very happy new year to all our friends, visitors and acquaintances for a joyous 2019 – here’s to those who wish us well, and those who don’t can go to hell!
FEB. 3, 2019 – Ya gotta be tough! Boo!
Congrats again to the New England Patriots for winning their sixth championship at Super Bowl LIII…yada yada yada, we know that Tom Brady is so special, so great…really really great!
MAY 5, 2019 – I’m Gladys Mayo.
Yet another happy Cinco de Mayo to you all! Well…almost all of you. Some of you really stick in our craw!
MAY 9, 2019 – Jim Fowler, 1932-2019
Our condolences go out to the family of Jim Fowler, zoologist and host of Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom, who famously guest-starred in “The Merv Griffin Show” in 1997. Thanks to him, we know so much more about the animal world around us, like that hawks eat squirrels, and Kramer may or may not have practically raised his kids.
MAY 14, 2019 – Here, touch Golden Boy!
See this site, Maps About Nothing? Six years we’ve had this site, it’s our best one! We call it, “Golden Site!” The first site we load out of the browser! Also, “The Finale” is now 21 years old – no longer a boy, but today, a man!
MAY 27, 2019 – Anything you say she does!
Our thoughts go out today to everyone that has served, and has fallen, in the service of our country. We encourage you to join the army (they did!), but not to go AWOL (you shouldn’t), even if you are not having so much fun!
JUN. 14, 2019 – What a story!
Today marks thirty two years when *something* happened that changed us all in a deep and profound way front that day forward…
JUN. 13, 2019 – Producto de Peru?
Congratulations to the Toronto Raptors on winning their first ever NBA Championship! Now Canada can be proud for being known for more than just good ducks, knockoff cigars and lesser quarters!
JUN. 12, 2019 – You guys ready?
Congratulations to the St. Louis Blues on winning their first ever Stanley Cup! A devoted fanbase will be waiting for you at The Airport…just make sure not to send the Cup down the baggage claim chute!
JUN. 29, 2019 – You remember the date?!?
We gather once again today to remember a remarkable day in Seinfeld history, June 29, 1972 and 1980. In celebration of this tragic, yet historic, day, we will meet again on July 19 for the return of Comedians In Cars Getting Coffee. As you were.
JUL. 5, 2019 – How long they been doing this?
We may be a day late in congratulating America from turning 243 years old, as our favorite show about nothing has turned the big 3-0! It’s wonderful to look back now on “The Seinfeld Chronicles,” as all we’ve been doing lately is suffering for the past 21 years, up to and including yesterday!
OCT. 30, 2019 – Why were you making gravel?
Congratulations to the Washington Nationals on winning their first ever World Series, over those bastards from Houston no less! We look forward to celebrating the trophy in the nation’s capital, at a grand location like the Smithsonian…or at least in the dumpster behind the Smithsonian.
NOV. 11, 2019 – Rick Ludwin, 1948-2019
Our condolences go out to the family of Rick Ludwin, the NBC executive who famously took a risk (at the expense of Bob Hope, no less) on a quirky little sitcom called “The Seinfeld Chronicles” in 1989, championing it to the massive success it is today, over thirty years later. We will miss you, Rick.
DEC. 23, 2019 – Are you happy now?!?
Today we celebrate the totally not made-up, prolific holiday founded by the great Francis Costanza – we solemnly disregard the materialism of traditional holidays, air our grievances and showcase our strength to commemorate yet another Festivus for the rest of us!
DEC. 31, 2019 – Aww!!
As we approach the year 2020 and a new decade, we’d like to remind everyone, since there was no year zero, the new decade doesn’t begin until the year 2021. Which would make your party one year late, and thus, quite lame!
FEB. 2, 2020 – Freebies!
Our congratulations to the Kansas City Chiefs on winning their second Super Bowl title; 50 years since their last title, but more importantly 25 years since the last major Super Bowl in Miami featuring the San Francisco 49ers…really, who goes to the Super Bowl with their mailman? Who goes anywhere with Newman?!?
APR. 1, 2020 – I’m gettin’ a vibe!
We hope you are all staying safe, physical distancing and catching up on Seinfeld during this global pandemic. We bet you this is somehow George related! He attaches himself to a healthy host planet, and the next thing you know, the entire population’s infected!
MAY 5, 2020 – Okay Jimmy?
Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone! Please enjoy responsibly, otherwise you might find yourself driving through Mexico with a lizard trying to chew your face off!
MAY 11, 2020 – Jerry Stiller, 1927-2020
Our condolences go out to the family and friends of Jerry Stiller, the legendary comedy star whose career spanned from The Ed Sullivan Show to The King Of Queens, of course with a stopover on Seinfeld as the legendary Frank Costanza. We are crushed that this comedy icon is no longer with us, but can take solace in knowing that he will now be reunited with his wife of 61 years, Anne Meara, and that he is coming into heaven lock, stock and barrel. He’s gonna be in the pool, he’s gonna be in the clubhouse, and he’s gonna be all over that shuffleboard court! We will miss you, Jerry.
MAY 14, 2020 – I’m having sex with the cousin!
Not only does “The Finale” turn 22 today, but this marks Year Seven of Maps About Nothing!
We guess we could see it…seven periods of school, seven beatings a day. Roughly seven stitches a beating, and eventually seven years to life. Yeah, we’re doing this site quite a service.
MAY 25, 2020 – Have a good time.
Once again, we honor those who have served and continue to serve in all branches of the military – the Army, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard, Marine Corps…and the newest branch, the Space Force! Good luck to all those brave souls going on the space shuttle to Mars, don’t forget to take your pens!
MAY 26, 2020 – Richard Herd, 1932-2020
Our condolences go out to the family and friends of Richard Kind, the famed character actor who played Mr. Wilhelm on Seinfeld as his most famous role. Here’s hoping that he finds it all in the big “downtown” in the sky.
JUN. 14, 2020 – I’ve never had a really good pickle.
Today we commemorate the infamous “second spitter” at the Mets vs. Phillies game of June 14, 1987, which today turns 33 years old. It has yet to outgrow the problems of puberty, yet is now facing the problems of old age. It completely skipped healthy adulthood. And it has never had a normal, medium orgasm.
JUN. 29, 2020 – All our problems would be solved.
Today we remember Jerry’s fourteen year vomit streak, which today turns the ripe old age of forty – in this time of racial strife and chaos in America, we must remember now more than ever…to look to the cookie. If we can’t look to the cookie, where can we look?
JUL. 4, 2020 – I got a flash for ya, joy boy!
As we gather to celebrate both the birthday of “The Seinfeld Chronicles” and “The United States of America,” we recognize this is a bad year for America, and a bad year for libraries. You put on a pair of shoes when you walk into America, fella!
SEP. 28, 2020 – Drive slow, sit low.
Congratulations to the Tampa Bay Lightning on winning their second Stanley Cup title in the NHL bubble! When they win, the celebration goes all night!…until the break of eight PM.
OCT. 11, 2020 – Why’d you tell him?!?
Congrats to the Los Angeles Lakers on winning their record 17th NBA Championship, tied for the most all time! This now puts future Hall of Famer LeBron James only two titles away from tying that phoney Michael Jordan!
OCT. 27, 2020 – Hoochie mama!
Congratulations to the Los Angeles Dodgers on winning their eighth World Series title, and first since 1988! The one year the carpool lane would be free for Larry David, and they’re playing in a bubble in Texas! Serenity now!
DEC. 23, 2020 – This is the worst Festivus ever!
If there’s any year to be airing Festivus grievances, this is the one! We got a lot of problems with you, 2020, and now you’re gonna hear about it!
DEC. 31, 2020 – The worst, Jerry.
Here’s to sending off a terrible 2020 – if a year were Kenny Bania and Newman wrapped into one, this was it. 2020, you were a punk, a patsy, a hack! Goodbye…2020.
FEB. 7, 2021 – You have to sweeten too!
Congratulations to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for winning their second Super Bowl title, in front of their home fans, during a pandemic – which normally, we’d be very sweet on. But Tom Brady winning another title? Kinda soured.
MAY 5, 2021 – I’ve had it with these Mayans!
Wishing all of our friends and fans a happy (and safe) Cinco de Mayo! Be sure to stay six feet apart when you’re dancing and strutting outside for two days!
MAY 14, 2021 – I’m an animal!
Today we commemorate, on the 23rd anniversary of The Finale, the eighth anniversary of Maps About Nothing! We ask that to commemorate this momentous occasion, you load up a slice at Lorenzo’s, give an old man the ol’ stink eye, and flash the eight fingers in tribute!
MAY 31, 2021 – That’s an order!
Our eternal thanks go out to those who serve and those who have served – for those who do the walk back in, into no man’s land, and have to crawl all the way back if they get shot down. They can do it, I tell ya!
JUN. 14, 2021 – Tough luck, chinless.
Today marks the dark anniversary of the Mets-Phillies Keith Hernandez incident…we earned this with 34 years of misery!
JUN. 29, 2021 – As good as it gets.
As the world gets back to normal, let us harken back to a simpler time, when the thought of vomiting from a spoiled black and white cookie, breaking a significant streak, left us only with thoughts of mild disgust, not of potentially spreading a deadly virus. Now, let us peek from behind the mask and once again…look to the cookie.
JUL. 4, 2021 – How could they be so vain?
We would wish “The Seinfeld Chronicles” a happy 32nd birthday (and America a happy 245th birthday), but we know both they just scratch off the number and put a 31 and 244. This is the Seinfeld and America that only we know.
JUL. 7, 2021 – Is that Dutch?
Our congratulations to the Tampa Bay Lightning, for winning their third overall (and second consecutive) Stanley Cup over the Montreal Canadiens! Just make sure if you plan to celebrate with some dirt cheap Montreal cigars that they are real Cubans, none of that “producto de Peru” crap!
JUL. 20, 2021 – You ever have a man die in your arms?
Congratulations to the Milwaukee Bucks on winning their second NBA Championship, and first since 1971!
Yeah, ’71. That was my first year on the job. Bad year for libraries. Bad year for America. Hippies burning library cards, Abbie Hoffman telling everybody to steal books. I don’t judge a man by the length of his hair or the kind of music he listens to. Rock was never my bag. But you put on a pair of shoes when you walk into the – sorry, lost my train of thought. Anyways, well done Bucks!
AUG. 8, 2021 – Why, separate knob?!?
The postponed 2020 Olympics in Tokyo have wrapped, with the United States, China and Japan coming out the big winners…they obviously knew about the separate knob on the radio alarm. Well done you bastards!
NOV. 2, 2021 – I really like those sons of bitches!
Congratulations to the Atlanta Braves on winning their fourth World Series title, and first since 1995! In fact, the last time they won the World Series? October 28, 1995 – just days after the world was introduced to “The Hot Tub,” and we met those bastards from the Houston Astros…the very same bastards Atlanta just beat to win their title!
DEC. 23, 2021 – Nucleosis…
After what we thought was the only Festivus we’d have to have during COVID, it appears that yet again we still have grievances against all these variants. Sure, we can do two years standing on our heads; we’re isolation camels. That’s not the point. At least there was the possibility! Serenity now!
DEC. 31, 2021 – Gonna be rough.
Another year of COVID, seems like we’re finally getting back to normal…then this Omicron? That’s it! We can’t live like this! This is bogus, man! Happy New Year? No such thing.
FEB. 13, 2022 – George, we dine.
Congratulations to the Los Angeles Rams on winning their second Super Bowl title, first since 1999, and first in Los Angeles! But enough about that game, who saw LD’s crypto commercial?!? You’ve gotta love sports!