DEC. 31, 2020 – The worst, Jerry.
Here’s to sending off a terrible 2020 – if a year were Kenny Bania and Newman wrapped into one, this was it. 2020, you were a punk, a patsy, a hack! Goodbye…2020.
DEC. 23, 2020 – This is the worst Festivus ever!
If there’s any year to be airing Festivus grievances, this is the one! We got a lot of problems with you, 2020, and now you’re gonna hear about it!
OCT. 27, 2020 – Hoochie mama!
Congratulations to the Los Angeles Dodgers on winning their eighth World Series title, and first since 1988! The one year the carpool lane would be free for Larry David, and they’re playing in a bubble in Texas! Serenity now!
OCT. 11, 2020 – Why’d you tell him?!?
Congrats to the Los Angeles Lakers on winning their record 17th NBA Championship, tied for the most all time! This now puts future Hall of Famer LeBron James only two titles away from tying that phoney Michael Jordan!
SEP. 28, 2020 – Drive slow, sit low.
Congratulations to the Tampa Bay Lightning on winning their second Stanley Cup title in the NHL bubble! When they win, the celebration goes all night!…until the break of eight PM.
JUL. 4, 2020 – I got a flash for ya, joy boy!
As we gather to celebrate both the birthday of “The Seinfeld Chronicles” and “The United States of America,” we recognize this is a bad year for America, and a bad year for libraries. You put on a pair of shoes when you walk into America, fella!
JUN. 29, 2020 – All our problems would be solved.
Today we remember Jerry’s fourteen year vomit streak, which today turns the ripe old age of forty – in this time of racial strife and chaos in America, we must remember now more than ever…to look to the cookie. If we can’t look to the cookie, where can we look?
JUN. 14, 2020 – I’ve never had a really good pickle.
Today we commemorate the infamous “second spitter” at the Mets vs. Phillies game of June 14, 1987, which today turns 33 years old. It has yet to outgrow the problems of puberty, yet is now facing the problems of old age. It completely skipped healthy adulthood. And it has never had a normal, medium orgasm.
MAY 26, 2020 – Richard Herd, 1932-2020
Our condolences go out to the family and friends of Richard Kind, the famed character actor who played Mr. Wilhelm on Seinfeld as his most famous role. Here’s hoping that he finds it all in the big “downtown” in the sky.
MAY 25, 2020 – Have a good time.
Once again, we honor those who have served and continue to serve in all branches of the military – the Army, Navy, Air Force, Coast Guard, Marine Corps…and the newest branch, the Space Force! Good luck to all those brave souls going on the space shuttle to Mars, don’t forget to take your pens!
MAY 14, 2020 – I’m having sex with the cousin!
Not only does “The Finale” turn 22 today, but this marks Year Seven of Maps About Nothing!
We guess we could see it…seven periods of school, seven beatings a day. Roughly seven stitches a beating, and eventually seven years to life. Yeah, we’re doing this site quite a service.
MAY 11, 2020 – Jerry Stiller, 1927-2015
Our condolences go out to the family and friends of Jerry Stiller, the legendary comedy star whose career spanned from The Ed Sullivan Show to The King Of Queens, of course with a stopover on Seinfeld as the legendary Frank Costanza. We are crushed that this comedy icon is no longer with us, but can take solace in knowing that he will now be reunited with his wife of 61 years, Anne Meara, and that he is coming into heaven lock, stock and barrel. He’s gonna be in the pool, he’s gonna be in the clubhouse, and he’s gonna be all over that shuffleboard court! We will miss you, Jerry.
MAY 5, 2020 – Okay Jimmy?
Happy Cinco de Mayo everyone! Please enjoy responsibly, otherwise you might find yourself driving through Mexico with a lizard trying to chew your face off!
APR. 1, 2020 – I’m gettin’ a vibe!
We hope you are all staying safe, physical distancing and catching up on Seinfeld during this global pandemic. We bet you this is somehow George related! He attaches himself to a healthy host planet, and the next thing you know, the entire population’s infected!
FEB. 2, 2020 – Freebies!
Our congratulations to the Kansas City Chiefs on winning their second Super Bowl title; 50 years since their last title, but more importantly 25 years since the last major Super Bowl in Miami featuring the San Francisco 49ers…really, who goes to the Super Bowl with their mailman? Who goes anywhere with Newman?!?
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