The Shower Head (season 7, episode 16)

written by Peter Mehlman & Marjorie Gross, directed by Andy Ackerman
original airdate: February 15, 1996

Elaine tests positive for opium and loses her job at the Peterman company. George convinces his parents to move to Florida but they squabble with the Seinfelds, leaving everyone in misery. Jerry’s building changes all the shower heads to low-flow.

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The Improv

Jerry’s Apartment
Jerry and George discuss convincing the Costanzas to move to Del Boca Vista with Jerry’s parents – however, the plan quickly falls apart. Elaine discovers the source of her positive opium tests, and begs Helen for a urine sample. Jerry, Kramer and Newman team up to find new shower heads, after their building installs low-flow units.

Monk’s Café
Jerry has lunch with Uncle Leo, where he convinces him to be a “swinger” and ditch his current girlfriend Lydia. When his plan backfires and results in Jerry’s parents moving in with him, he meets Leo again and convinces him to take Lydia back.

West Park Medical Group (now West Care Medical Associates)
50 W. 77th St., New York, NEW YORK (map)
nearest subway: 81st Street – Museum Of Natural History (B,C)
Elaine goes for a physical for her trip to Kenya with Mr. Peterman…and fails, testing positive for opiates. On her second “pop urine test,” she resorts to using Helen’s urine, as hers is inadvetantly tainted with poppy seeds. She passes, but is told she has a 65-year old’s metabolism and may have osteoporosis.

KENYA (map)
Elaine mentions her and Mr. Peterman are going to Kenya to live with the Masai bushmen of the Kalahari, and bushwomen…to knock off their great sandals.

Kalahari Desert
AFRICA (map)
Elaine mentions her and Mr. Peterman are going to live with the Masai bushmen of the Kalahari, and bushwomen…this, however, is a bit of a geographical conflict, as the Masai are traditionally based in Kenya, while the Kalahari desert spreads 900,000 square kilometers across Botswana, Namibia and South Africa.

Kramer’s Apartment
Jerry, Kramer and Newman are all stuck with no shower pressure, forcing them to seek alternate shower heads. Kramer installs an ultra-high powered shower head, so much so that he cannot physically withstand the water pressure.

Uncle Leo’s apartment
New York, NEW YORK
Morty and Helen stay with Leo, cutting off Jerry’s 1200 mile buffer zone…but are later forced move in with Jerry when Leo accuses his girlfriend of being anti-Semitic, moving the buffer zone down to two feet.

Del Boca Vista
Jerry mentions his parents are scheduled to move in here from Pines Of Mar Gables, but are in New York until they’re ready. George convinces his parents to move there as well, but they decide to stay, since they cannot bear being away from George.

Newman’s Apartment
Kramer discovers that Newman too does not have good water pressure: “This stuff is awful! I’m not Newman!”

J. Peterman
Mr. Peterman tells Elaine she’s tested positive for opium (“white lotus…yam yam…Shanghai sally”). Peterman later physically escorts Kramer out, thinking he’s begging his dealer Elaine for opium.

Shanghai, CHINA (map)
Mr. Peterman refers to opium as “Shanghai sally.”

Costanza House
George goes to try and convince his parents to move to Del Boca Vista, which they do, but only out of spite against the Seinfelds.

Yangtze River, CHINA (map)
Mr. Peterman mentions in 1979, he was traveling the Yangtze in search of a Mongolian horse-hair vest when he took “just a taste” of opium.

MONGOLIA (map)
Mr. Peterman mentions he first tried opium when searching for a Mongolian horse-hair vest in 1979.

NBC Studios (New York)
30 Rockefeller Pl., New York, NEW YORK (map)
nearest subway: 47-50th Streets – Rockefeller Center (B,D,F,M)
Jerry appears on “The Tonight Show” when it visits New York for a week of shows.

Lydia’s apartment
New York, NEW YORK
Uncle Leo and Lydia watch Jerry’s jokes about Leo’s hyper-anti-Semite-sensitivity jokes on “The Tonight Show,” forcing him to dump her and leave her apartment since he thought she too was an anti-Semite.

SERBIA (fmr. YUGOSLAVIA) (map)
Newman tracks down black-market shower heads for himself, Jerry and Newman, that are made in the former Yugoslavia:
NEWMAN: “And from what I hear, the Serbs are fanatic about their showers.”
JERRY: “Not from the footage I’ve seen.”

Market Diner (NOW CLOSED)
572 Eleventh Ave., New York, NEW YORK (map)
nearest subway: 42nd Street – Port Authority Bus Terminal (A,C,E)
Kramer and Newman buy their new black-market shower heads from an unmarked van waiting in the parking lot behind the diner.