129 W. 81st St., Apt. 5A, NEW YORK, NEW YORK (map)
The focal point of the entire series, where the gang spends most of their time. The building is also home to Cosmo Kramer (Apt. 5B) and Newman (Apt. 5E), and the “head office” of Vandelay Industries. The exterior of the building shown throughout the series is actually the Shelley Building, at 755 S. New Hampshire Ave. in Los Angeles.
nearest subway: 81st Street – Museum Of Natural History (B,C)
Seasons: One • Two • Three • Four • Five • Six • Seven • Eight • Nine • Curb • CICGC
“The Seinfeld Chronicles”
The first appearance of Jerry’s apartment in the series. This is also Kramer’s first entrance to the apartment to take food, although he is called “Kessler” in the episode, and has a golden retriever named Ralph.
“The Stake Out”
Jerry consults with his parents and Kramer on how to best “stake out” Vanessa while playing Scrabble.
Jerry’s apartment is robbed after Kramer fails to close the door after stopping by. George tries to convince Jerry to move (as well as Elaine, so she can take the apartment), but a fight between Jerry and George over the new apartment prevents anyone from moving. This is the first instance of Kramer’s signature “slide” into the apartment.
Kramer inadvertently forces Jerry into a conversation with Joel Hornick, where they set a date to have lunch. Joel later shows up at Jerry’s apartment, after hanging out with Kramer.
“The Stock Tip”
Jerry obsesses over his stock, with Kramer gleefully watching as the stock (and Jerry’s investment) tumbles.
“The Pony Remark”
Jerry’s parents stay with him for dinner with Manya…and later her funeral. Kramer reveals his plan to add levels to his apartment.
Jerry shows off his new suede jacket to the gang, with George stymied at how much he paid. Jerry later gives it to Kramer, after exposing it to snow.
“The Phone Message”
Jerry has Donna at his apartment, where they bicker over whether the cotton Dockers commercial is worth liking…and over Jerry revealing her hatred of the commercial to Kramer.
Jerry convinces the building managers, Harold and Manny, to let Elaine rent the unit directly above him. However, he immediately regrets the offer, but is luckily saved when another tenant offers double the down payment to get the unit.
Jerry hires the boyfriend of one of Elaine’s writing clients, Ray, to clean his apartment. Although he does a spectacular jobs (even removing the goop from the little egg cups, and cleaning the peephole), Jerry suspects he stole a statue from him, and begins to investigate Ray further.
Jerry and George have a famous conversation about George’s career path, now that he will be leaving the real estate industry. George suggests working as a sports broadcaster, or perhaps working for the Coast Guard as a “land guy.”
“The Heart Attack”
Jerry awakes in the middle of the night, writing what he finds to be a hilarious bit, which just turns out to be repeating a line from a cheesy TV movie: “flaming globes of Sigmund!”
After discovering an erotic film on TV when in his apartment, Jerry and Elaine establish a “deal” where they can be sexually active together, without the constraints of a relationship.
“The Baby Shower”
Elaine hosts a baby shower for her friend Leslie when Jerry is out of town, but he returns sooner than expected and partakes. Kramer tries to install illegal cable in Jerry’s apartment with disastrous results.
Elaine gets Antonio’s address for George, and he covninces Kramer to go with him as “backup.” Antonio later comes to the apartment to thank George, but gets into a confrontation with Ed in the stairwell, with the resulting fight leaving both of them with major injuries.
Jerry turns his apartment upside down, trying to find receipts for his audit, especially when finding out that George has dumped Patrice and she destroyed all his records. Kramer reveals to the gang that he saw Elaine naked in her apartment.
Jerry is confined to his apartment after reluctantly agreeing to dog-sit Mr. Polone’s dog, Farfel, which turns out to be more of a wild beast than dog he is responsible for.
Jerry is told that he is 20 years overdue on a library book taken out in 1971, and that a library investigator, Lt. Bookman, is being sent to investigate.
“The Parking Garage”
The apartment is only mentioned, NOT seen. Jerry tells the mall security guard that his parents will be outside his building waiting for him, stealing George’s story.
Jerry becomes obsessed with the Dream Café, a new restaurant that opens near him which attracts no customers. Elaine’s plan to take George’s IQ test for him backfires, after Kramer’s mother’s boyfriend traps them in the apartment when tracking down Kramer for his father’s jacket.
Jerry discovers a sexy voice on his tape recorder when reviewing one of his shows, starting a mystery with Jerry and George over who the voice is. The group later discovers Elaine is the voice, prompting sexual advances from Jerry, George and Kramer. George orders baldness cream from China, with the assistance of Ping the Chinese delivery guy.
“The Nose Job”
Kramer shockingly tells Audrey right to her face that she needs a nose job. Jerry has Kramer tear up Isabel’s number, but later desperately pieces it back together. His conflict over seeing Isabel comes to a head, when his brain and penis face off in a metaphorical chess match.
Steve from Long Island comes to visit Jerry on his way out, so Jerry lets him hang out at the apartment. Kramer then comes over, they get drunk and order a “lady of the night,” who Jerry has to pay, and gets arrested for solicitation.
“The Alternate Side”
George scores a job moving parked cars across the street, but is overwhelmed thanks to the Woody Allen movie down the street. Jerry tracks down the man who stole his car, and Kramer rehearses his line for his role in the film.
“The Red Dot”
Kramer reveals George’s secret red dot on his cashmere sweater for Elaine in the apartment, before falling asleep, drunk from Hennigan’s scotch.
The apartment is only mentioned, NOT seen. George takes Jerry’s keys to pick up his spare at the apartment, due to the fact that George has been robbed of his keys, wallet, clothes…and dignity.
“The Pez Dispenser”
Jerry hosts an intervention (or to Kramer, an “interference”) for Richie Appel, although reluctantly (as his furniture is “very non-confrontational”), who breaks down upon seeing Jerry’s Pez dispenser. Noel exposes Elaine as the interrupter from her show, dumping George and leaving him with no “hand.”
Jerry gets awoken in the middle of the night by his neighbor, Gina, whose boyfriend attempts to commit suicide. Jerry, interested in Gina, later discusses “coma etiquette” with Kramer, who also has an interest in said etiquette, as Martin has Kramer’s vacuum cleaner.
Jerry and Elaine decide to set George up with her friend Cynthia, leading to fighting amongst the group. Jerry describes George, who is looking for very specific features (a pinkish hue, a rosy glow, thick lustrous hair) in a woman. Kramer gives George a condom for his date from Bob Sacamano, but warns him (after it is used, of course) that it may be defective, leading to a pregnancy scare.
Jerry’s apartment becomes the short-time home of Vandelay Industries, after George falsely gives Jerry’s number as a prospective employer to keep his unemployment benefits going. After Kramer foils George’s plot, George frantically tries to salvage the situation, resulting in him lying facedown on Jerry’s floor, pants around his ankles, with Jerry questioning “and you want to be my latex salesman?”
“The Good Samaritan”
Jerry has to sustain the lie of Angela’s hit-and-run amongst the gang, until she is eventually exposed. Kramer suffers another seizure at the sound of Mary Hart’s voice when Jerry and Elaine watch “Entertainment Tonight.”
Jerry finds Nina’s letter, which he is blown away by the emotionality of the letter…until he later discovers, while watching television, that Nina lifted the letter word for word from Neil Simon’s “Chapter Two” (“I offer happiness! James Caan doesn’t offer happiness!”).
“The Parking Space”
Jerry is forced to play referee between George and Mike Moffat, after both spend an entire day fighting over a prime parking space right outside Jerry’s apartment.
Jerry takes away Kramer’s spare key to his apartment, for continually breaking “the covenant of the keys,” upsetting Kramer so much that he takes off to California to pursue his acting career, leaving New York behind. Jerry and Elaine later are watching “Murphy Brown” when they see Kramer’s cameo as Stephen Snell.
Jerry and George return, and are just watching television when Kramer suddenly appears, back in New York, returning Jerry’s keys and borrowing food, as if nothing has changed.
After being approached by NBC, Jerry, George and Kramer come up with ideas for a series. Kramer vomits on Susan after drinking expired milk, and later shows concussion-like symptoms after being kicked by Crazy Joe Davola.
Jerry’s parents are stunned to hear about Crazy Joe Davola, and more so that somebody could possibly not like Jerry. Elaine surprises the rest of the gang when she returns from her European vacation.
Jerry gives his father a new wallet to replace the old one, sneaking in $400 cash for good measure.
“The Bubble Boy”
Jerry convinces George, Susan and Elaine to stop off and see the Bubble Boy before going to Susan’s family’s cabin. Kramer plans on golfing for the weekend, but ends up overhearing Naomi’s message in Jerry’s apartment, and with his golf cancelled, drives to the cabin with Naomi.
“The Cheever Letters”
Jerry and George struggle tremendously with advancing the “Jerry” script, not getting beyond “Hello.” After making Elaine’s assistant quit, Jerry has her over, where one thing leads to another, and the “panty remark” comes out, which Elaine eventually finds out to Jerry’s dismay.
The gang readies for a wild night at the opera, with George wearing a short tuxedo and Kramer dressing like Ozzie Nelson. Jerry also fears for his safety after getting the kaibosh put on him by Crazy Joe Davola following a threatening phone message.
Jerry brings on Marla to organize his closets, where she reveals she is a virgin. George discovers his kiss with Susan has gotten her fired from NBC (“finally, my stupidity pays off!”), but is warned by Jerry that George cannot dump her until she finds another job.
Jerry valiantly struggles with maintaining his “mastership” of his domain, while the rest of the gang around him drops off one by one, and Jerry fights off temptation from all sides. Jerry tells Marla the virgin about the contest, causing her to storm out and meet John F. Kennedy Jr. outside the building.
The apartment is only mentioned, NOT seen. Jerry tells Elaine that George is picking them up from the airport, only because George lost a bet that he could jump and touch the awning on his building.
Elaine is horrified to discover her nipple is showing in her Christmas card Kramer shot for her, George pines over losing Susan, and Kramer catches Jerry’s girlfriend Tia wearing “Ocean,” a rip-off fragrance of his “Beach” idea.
Babu Bhatt is picked up by immigration officials for deportation, after Elaine doesn’t give Jerry back his mail in time to realize he had the renewal papers. Kramer returns from Florida, and reveals he accidentally punched his idol Mickey Mantle.
Jerry and George struggle to write for the Elaine pilot character. The gang discusses “cleavage etiquette” after George is caught ogling Russell’s teenage daughter.
NYU reporter Sharon Leonard interviews Jerry and George, before they figure out her assumption, with George trying to remedy the situation: “Do want to have sex with me right now?! Come on, let’s go, baby!” Jerry later mocks the situation on Kramer’s two-line phone, only making matters worse with the reporter.
“The Old Man”
Jerry, Elaine and George are assigned senior citizens as part of their volunteer work, but are later lectured by the agency and the family of Mr. Fields after Jerry “loses” him en route to his dentist.
Elaine causes confusion over whether Sidra’s breasts are real or not, due to conflicting opinions after accidentally touching them. Sidra famously confirms that they are “real, and they’re spectacular.”
“The Junior Mint”
Jerry and Kramer struggle to hide their Junior Mint secret from Elaine, while Jerry struggles to decipher his girlfriend’s name, only knowing that it rhymes with a part of the female anatomy (“Mulva? Gipple? Loleola?”).
“The Smelly Car”
Jerry and Elaine rack their brains on how to eliminate the “O” they received from the car’s B.O., even comparing awful smells they would rather endure (“I looove horse manure!”).
“The Handicap Spot”
The gang discuss what kind of engagement present to get The Drake and Drakette, with the group offering mixed feelings on The Drake (“Love The Drake!” “Hate The Drake!” “The Drake is good!”) Kramer declares his love for Lola, the wheelchair-bound victim of the gang’s parking job.
Tensions are high leading up to the pilot, with Jerry obsessing over his lack of acting ability, George obsessing over his lip discoloration which may kill him, and Kramer…just wanting to go to the restroom. The gang later reunites at the apartment to watch the “Jerry” pilot together.
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Jerry tries convincing Elaine to give him another shot, so she won’t need to fake “it” this time. Kramer begs Jerry to get him fruit after he is banned from Joe’s, and they need to turn to George when Jerry is also banned.
“The Puffy Shirt”
Kramer unveils the puffy shirt to a shocked and horrified Jerry. George and Jerry compare their hand beauty, and Kramer invites George to live with him rather than move back in with his parents.
Kramer gets Jerry a new air conditioning unit (the Commando 8), but the unit dislodges and crashes to the street, where it hits the dog that bit Elaine. Jerry criticizes George’s squint-vision after questioning Amy on her possible whereabouts with cousin Jeffrey.
“The Sniffing Accountant”
Jerry, Kramer and Newman strategize how to handle their supposedly drug-addicted accountant, planning a stakeout. They also draft a cease and desist letter, but come to realize that Jerry’s mohair sweater was the cause of the sniffing.
George struggles to get reimbursed for his destroyed car, Elaine searches for a mohel for baby Steven, and Kramer finds more evidence to prove his “pig-man” theory. Stan and Myra later bring baby Steven, where they announce that Jerry and Elaine have been replaced by Kramer as “the godfather.”
“The Lip Reader”
Jerry tells the gang about his dating a deaf woman, and the gang ridicules George for being shown on national television with ice cream all over his face.
“The Non-Fat Yogurt”
Jerry and Elaine challenge Kramer’s notion that the frozen yogurt is in fact non-fat, especially after discovering the yogurt may have impacted Rudy Giuliani. Jerry is forced to apologize to Matthew, a young boy from his building, for his constant swearing. George asks Elaine to lie to Lloyd Braun about his elbow “ailment.”
The gang criticizes Jerry’s terrible haircut, and Newman comes in on a stealth mission to steal one of Jerry’s hairs. Enzo comes to confront Jerry and Gino, but ends up bonding with his nephew over “Edward Scissorhands.” George gets the idea to show up at SanaLac regardless if he has been hired or not.
Jerry complains about a lack of massages from his new masseuse girlfriend, getting so desperate he tries to forcibly receive a massage, causing Jodi to storm out in disgust. Jodi’s hatred of George ends up turning him on, as “she just dislikes me so much… it’s irresistible.”
“The Cigar Store Indian”
Jerry gives Elaine Winona’s copy of the infamous Al Roker TV Guide…which she later asks Jerry back for. When Jerry implies that asking for an already-given gift back is familiar to an aboriginally-offensive term, Jerry simply replies with “I’m sorry, I’m not familiar with that term.”
Elaine inadvertently convinces George to convert to Latvian Orthodox, and he resorts to using crib notes to cheat on his conversion test when being tested by Jerry. Jerry and George discuss the possible meaning of the fungus cream in Tawni’s apartment.
Kramer and Jerry rack their brains whether Jane is also “Erica,” a 976 call girl. Elaine tells Jerry about the stall incident, and he scrambles to hide Jane’s voice from her once he puts two and two together. George complains about Kramer being invited rock climbing, and having to confess Tony’s accident to Elaine after they go climbing.
“The Dinner Party”
Jerry and Elaine mock George’s new Gore-Tex jacket, and argue with George over the inappropriateness of bringing Pepsi instead of wine to a dinner party.
“The Marine Biologist”
Jerry convinces Elaine that Tolstoy’s original title for “War And Peace” was “War, What Is It Good For,” leading to disaster for Elaine. George slams Jerry for telling Diane that he is a marine biologist, a fake career choice he apparently takes issue with. Jerry introduces the late, great “Golden Boy.”
Jerry and George obsess over Audrey’s refusal to try Jerry’s apple pie. Kramer tells Elaine about her lookalike mannequin he discovered in a clothing store.
Elaine tells Jerry about her date with Phil, and how “he took it out.” Kramer and Mickey argue over whether to use lifts in Mickey’s shoes for his stand-in job, with the two coming to blows after Mickey’s lifts are outed by a fellow little person actor, thus violating an unwritten code of the stand-in world.
Jerry and his girlfriend Meryl experience the hardships of a fake marriage, evolving from dating into full-fledged matrimony, eventually ending in “divorce” when Meryl discovers Jerry used their sacred dry cleaning discount on another woman.
Kramer and Morty make an agreement to sell “The Executive” together for a profit. The gang meets Aaron, the “close talker,” who becomes obsessed with Jerry’s parents. Morty & Helen reveal that they do not like George’s parents. Newman outs Jerry to his parents for making out with Rachel during “Schindler’s List.”
Kramer tells Jerry and George about his epic efforts to reunite Toby with her severed pinky toe, knocking out a mugger and driving a New York City bus after his driver passes out from the commotion of the potential hijacking.
George declares “the opposite” to be his new religion (thus his Messiah would be the Anti-Christ), while Kramer decrees Jerry “even Steven,” as everything always manages to even out for him.
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Jerry invites Kramer to be his and Karen’s chaperone, a role he takes far too seriously. Jerry invites the gang to Atlantic City for the pageant, but Elaine cannot go due to sock troubles. George and Jerry discuss the Yankees switching to cotton jerseys.
“The Big Salad”
The infamous handoff of “the big salad” takes place in the apartment, setting a wild course of action thereafter. Jerry obsesses over why Newman dumped Margaret. Kramer tells the gang of his golf game with Steve Gendason, and discovers that Gendason is wanted for murder.
“The Pledge Drive”
Kramer convinces Jerry to cash his Nana’s checks, leading to catastrophe when her account is overdrawn and she disappears. Elaine gets confused between speaking with Noreen and Dan (the high talker), eventually losing track and inadvertently telling Nana to drop dead.
“The Chinese Woman”
Jerry meets Donna Chang, an apparent Chinese woman, when her “rines are crossed” with George’s phone, and she ends up convincing George’s parents to not get a divorce. Kramer finds an interesting alternative to Jockeys to fight to his low sperm count. Elaine realizes she may have inadvertently broken up Noreen and Paul, “the long talker.”
Kramer tells the gang that his make-your-own-pizza idea is a go with Poppie, who later comes over and pees on Jerry’s new sofa. Elaine meets a mover, Carl, who she falls for until she learns his stance on abortion.
The gang analyzes how much more time Jerry needs to invest in his relationship with Katya now that they have slept together. George pleads with Lindsay to give him two extra chances, after his mother constantly catches him in disgusting, hobo-like scenarios.
Kenny Bania trades his Armani suit for dinner with Jerry, after Kramer twists Jerry’s arm. Jerry tells George that Kelly likely called a date “audible” after George brought up manure on their day date in the park.
“The Mom And Pop Store”
The gang mocks George for buying what may or may not be Jon Voight’s car. Jerry tries to figure out if he has been “uninvited” from Tim Whatley’s Thanksgiving party. Kramer takes all of Jerry’s sneakers to Mom and Pop, but then reveals they are in the wind with his sneakers…and aren’t even technically a Mom and Pop.
The gang questions Elaine’s decision to buy her dress from Barneys, but Elaine then realizes that skinny mirrors are the culprit of her transformation from “hotsy totsy” to “hotsy notsy.”
Jerry and George develop a plan to act like they are strangers, to convince Duncan of Jerry’s race lie. Kramer reveals he will be a department store Santa, and George ponders about calling a woman from “The Daily Worker” personals.
George unveils Kramer’s mystery name to the gang, after 6+ years of not knowing. Jerry and George work tirelessly, around the clock, trying to figure out how to successfully initiate “the switch,” until George finally comes up with his menage a trois scenario.
“The Label Maker”
Jerry and Elaine engage in a game of cat and mouse with Dr. Tim Whatley, to determine if he regifted, degifted, and “is using an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Super Bowl sex romp!” Kramer and Newman engage in an epic battle of risk, using Jerry’s Apartment as a neutral playing ground.
George discovers that Jerry already knew about Gary’s cancer, and later cracks under pressure and reveals that Gary never actually had cancer. Kramer tells Elaine that he said “hi” to Jake Jarmel on her behalf.
“The Highlights Of 100”
Jerry introduces the retrospective of six seasons and 100 episodes, sharing the gang’s many experiences, “both positive and negative…mostly negative.”
Kramer decides to set up George with his old flame, Denise, as he is so striking with his new toupee. Plans are thwarted, however, when Elaine strips George of the “hat” and throws it out Jerry’s window. The gang later assembles to watch “Melrose Place” together.
“The Kiss Hello”
Kramer enacts a building-wide policy of putting tenant photos up in the lobby, but Jerry is angry with the decision when every woman in the building insists on kissing him hello and making small talk.
Amongst a film-noir backdrop, Jerry and Elaine hatch a plan to set up the Doorman as the one responsible for the missing couch.
Elaine invites Jerry to the AMCA benefit, which Kramer later reveals he is a guest of honor at. Kramer tells Jerry about Dr. Whatley’s new “adults-only” policy, and George tells the gang that he is going into business with Jimmy.
Jerry discovers his apartment is infested with fleas, thanks to Newman. Elaine is forced to scramble inside the fumigating apartment for a manuscript, while Kramer spends 90 minutes unknowingly making a sandwich and reading. Elaine tells George that Paula truly does like George, as “looks aren’t important to her.”
“The Fusilli Jerry”
The gang racks their brain on who the true “Assman” is. Kramer gives Jerry the “fusilli Jerry,” a pasta-shaped statue of him…which later ends up in the wrong orifice of Frank, who accidentally falls on it during a scrum with Kramer.
“The Diplomat’s Club”
Elaine tells the gang that she plans on doing the “march in” and quitting her job for Mr. Pitt. George borrows Jerry’s camera to get a photo of him and Mr. Morgan.
“The Face Painter”
Jerry invites the gang to the Rangers game, but Puddy replaces George, after he declares he plans on telling her he loves her. The gang then bugs Jerry to give Alec Berg the day-after-thank-you, which Jerry flatly refuses. Kramer tells Jerry about his altercation with Barry the monkey.
Jerry watches “Beaches” with his emotional girlfriend Gennice, and later discusses with George and Kramer his boyfriend obligation to comfort her over a movie. Kramer berates Jerry, George and Gennice for “planning” the hospitalization of Bette Midler.
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George tells Jerry that he is engaged, but criticizes Jerry for breaking their “pact” by dumping Melanie. Kramer warns Jerry of the dangers of married life. Kramer offers to assist Elaine with her dog problem, by arranging a meeting with someone who “specializes in sticky situations.”
Jerry discovers that Elaine of George’s proposal, even as George is trying to postpone the wedding to March, which he later reveals he was successful at doing, only after weeping like a baby. Kramer tells Jerry he is suing Java World after being burned by their coffee.
The gang meets Bob Cobb, “the Maestro,” who gives Kramer a Chinese balm for his burns, asks out Elaine, and warns Jerry not to bother searching for a villa in Tuscany. Kramer later discovers his burns disappear from the balm, before his lawsuit has begun.
George’s wink causes issues for the gang, particularly Kramer, who he inadvertently lets take Mr. Steinbrenner’s signed birthday card. Elaine lambastes Jerry for ordering “just a salad” on his date with Holly. Holly later comes over to cook Jerry dinner, where she (along with Elaine and James) discover what’s really happening to the meat.
“The Hot Tub”
Jerry ends up hosting Jean-Paul, after he is booted from Elaine’s apartment the night before the marathon. Kramer’s hot tub, however, blows power to the building, causing Jean-Paul to once again oversleep.
“The Soup Nazi”
Jerry and George convince Elaine to try the Soup Nazi, and break down the “rules” of ordering. Kramer apologizes to Elaine for letting two “toughs” steal her armoire, and George confronts Jerry over using baby talk with Sheila.
“The Secret Code”
Kramer gets inside George’s mind to crack his secret code, narrowing it down to his temptation for chocolate syrup before George flees in a panic. Elaine invites Jerry to dinner with Mr. Peterman. Kramer listens to an emergency scanner to criticize the FDNY’s emergency routes throughout the city.
“The Pool Guy”
Jerry suggests Elaine call Susan to ask her out for a girl’s day on the town, prompting Kramer to warn Jerry about “colliding” George’s worlds of Relationship George and Independent George…and “a George, divided against itself, cannot stand!” Kramer discovers “he’s FILK” when his new phone number is nearly identical to Moviefone.
Jerry calls Lena from Kramer’s AIDS Walk list, but when she discovers the truth about how he got her number, she is surprisingly okay with it (“she’s giving and caring and genuinely concerned about the welfare of others – I can’t be with someone like that!”). Jerry cuts George out of the gossip loop for leaking the info to Susan. Kramer struggles to sufficiently rest up for the AIDS Walk.
Jerry and George gleefully tell Elaine about Lloyd Braun’s nervous breakdown, brought down simultaneously by Mayor Dinkins’ loss and Elaine breaking up with him. Jerry, Kramer and Lloyd spend an afternoon as “three buddies, sitting around, chewing gum.”
Elaine confides to Jerry that her new musician boyfriend, John, does not want to get “hot and heavy,” which Jerry tells to John’s bandmate. Elaine chides Jerry for doing this, as John writes a song called “Hot And Heavy” upon hearing of Elaine’s feelings.
Elaine tells the gang about Sue Ellen Mischke, “the braless wonder,” who she discovers was the cause of Jerry and Kramer’s accident, and encourages them (with Stan The Caddy’s assistance) to sue her. Kramer later discovers that Jerry was with Sue Ellen, and they argue over each other’s intentions for the lawsuit.
Kramer uses his shiatsu “talents” to fix Elaine’s neck pain, in exchange for her vintage bike, but when Elaine’s pain later returns and she asks for the bike back, an impartial mediator is needed to resolve the dispute. Jerry mocks George’s choice of the name “Seven,” and provides suggestions from other household items.
Jerry tells Kramer that he wants to buy his father a Cadillac with his newfound money, which causes Elaine to become attracted to Jerry all over again. The gang argues with George over whether he is technically allowed to see Marisa Tomei while engaged.
“The Shower Head”
Jerry and George discuss convincing the Costanzas to move to Del Boca Vista with Jerry’s parents – however, the plan quickly falls apart. Elaine discovers the source of her positive opium tests, and begs Helen for a urine sample. Jerry, Kramer and Newman team up to find new shower heads, after their building installs low-flow units.
Thanks to Susan’s friend Sally’s cheapness, Jerry’s gift for Charles Grodin (a bottle of barbeque sauce) breaks in his suitcase. Jerry later finds out she is coming to New York, so arranges for her to bring a large, inconvenient gift for him. An exhausted and terrified George shows Jerry and Elaine the doll that looks exactly like Estelle.
“The Friars Club”
George gleefully announces that Susan’s best friend Hallie is available for Jerry to date. George puts the “wheels in motion” to couple them, but then is forced to get Jerry to “sweeten” when he sours on Hallie. Kramer announces his plans to sleep like da Vinci, for just 20 minutes every 3 hours, leading to disastrous results.
“The Wig Master”
Kramer is forced to stay with Jerry after leaving his apartment keys at the Jiffy Park. Jerry, Elaine and Kramer discuss the “free exchange of sex and discounts, the cornerstones of a healthy relationship,” between Elaine and Craig, the Andover Shop clerk.
Jerry tells Elaine that Todd Gack is exploiting a “dating loophole” to keep seeing Elaine. Kramer decides he will only wear clothes straight out of the dryer, and later starts using Jerry’s oven. Kramer suggests Newman as the solution for George’s calzone ban.
“The Bottle Deposit”
Kramer resuscitates his Michigan bottle deposit scheme, spurned by Newman’s curiosity – however, the plans are changed when they spot Jerry’s stolen car on the highway, leading to a wild phone conversation between Kramer, Jerry and Elaine. Jerry suggests George use a follow-up question with Mr. Wilhelm for his special project.
“The Wait Out”
George feels guilt over breaking up the Lookners, and has to physically fight off Jerry and Elaine to make things right. Jerry implies that Kramer can’t fit into jeans, so he buys a pair of slim-fit Dungarees, which renders his mobility to Frankenstein-like speed.
George consults with the gang to think of ways to put a stop to the wedding, resulting in him trying smoking and asking Susan to sign a pre-nup. Elaine and Kramer discover they aren’t in George’s wedding party. Jerry realizes he is in love with himself (via Jeannie), but later comes to realize his engagement may be a mistake, since he actually hates himself.
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George decides it’s time “for George to start being George again” following Susan’s death. Kramer inspires Elaine to find her “katra” in order to head up the J. Peterman catalog. Elaine debuts the catalog’s cover feature, the Urban Sombrero.
“The Soul Mate”
Kramer meets Jerry’s girlfriend Pam, and quickly falls for her. He later confesses his love to Jerry, who is now not so keen on ending the relationship. Jerry and George dissect George’s damaged tape recorder, to hear what the Foundation board thinks of George.
“The Bizarro Jerry”
Kramer’s new “job” turns Jerry’s life upside down, and puts a strain on their relationship. Jerry declares Kevin to be “the Bizarro Jerry.” Jerry tries to find a new photo of “Man Hands” for George.
“The Little Kicks”
Jerry scores sneak preview tickets for a movie, but Kramer invites his friend who forces them to bootleg the movie. He is enthralled with Jerry’s technique, and hires him full-time to bootleg. George reveals he saw Elaine dance, and Elaine videotapes herself “dancing” after Kramer tells her she stinks.
Kramer tries to commit mail fraud in order to get Jerry a refund on his broken stereo. Elaine asks the group if they think she’s difficult, and Kramer convinces George to “play the game” with the clerk at the photo store, engaging in “the timeless art of seduction.”
Jerry complains about his girlfriend’s mentor dating Kenny Bania, whose stand-up ends up driving her away from both her mentor and Jerry. George offers himself up as a new mentor, while Jerry ends up mentoring Bania. George devises a plan to purposely fail an eye exam, and Kramer upsets Frank when asking him to cook for his Jewish singles night.
Jerry struggles to sign hundreds of minuscule royalty checks he receives from a one-second appearance on a Japanese TV show. Jerry convinces Elaine to suggest “Witch-ay Woman” as a new song for her and Brett, to replace “Desperado.” Brett later comes to the apartment and sees Jerry taking an axe to Kramer’s drawers, and is concussed after accidentally being hit with the axe’s handle.
“The Chicken Roaster”
Jerry and Kramer trade apartments, after the Kenny Rogers Roasters outside Kramer’s window glows a deep red 24/7. The two of them seemingly trade more than apartments as time goes on.
Jerry turns down a gig for his junior high career day, which turns into a longwinded process to finally get him onstage. George announces his girlfriend has mono, and subsequently becomes a genius due to his abstaining from sex, acing an episode of “Jeopardy.” Jerry points out Kramer’s disfigurement from high tobacco smoke exposure.
“The Andrea Doria”
Jerry and Newman enter an unholy alliance to deliver Newman’s outstanding mail, in the hopes he can score a transfer to Hawaii. George announces he’s getting a new apartment, but is forced to reveal the “Astonishing Tales of Costanza” in order to land it. Kramer comes down with a cough, but will only take dog pills to cure it.
“The Little Jerry”
Kramer announces he’s buying a chicken, but instead gets a rooster, which he introduces to and trains for the dangerous world of cockfighting. Marcellino asks Jerry to have Little Jerry throw his fight. George tells Jerry he’s dating a convict, and discovers something better than conjugal sex – fugitive sex. George chides Kurt for voluntarily being bald.
Jerry’s parents come to visit, and announce they have sold the Cadillac, and they want Jerry to have the money back. Jerry lies twice about returning to Florida to re-buy the Cadillac back for them. Morty decides he needs to rejoin the workforce to support Jerry financially.
Kramer develops a living will, but struggles with the idea of Jerry as his executor. He later discovers it’s possible to come out of a coma. George tests the “jerk store” line with the gang, but is given negative feedback. Milos’ wife Patty comes to the apartment, as a “medieval sexual payola.”
“The Van Buren Boys”
George and Kramer hold an “intervention” for Jerry over dating a loser. Kramer tells his spectacular Van Buren Boys story, but is forced to come up with new life stories once he sells his stories to Peterman. George vents over having to continually give away the Ross’ money to anyone but him.
Jerry accidentally breaks Mike Moffatt’s thumbs outside the building, and agrees to let Mike fix his car in exchange for clearing his bookie tab, which Kramer started on Jerry’s behalf. George reveals his plan to avoid Allison until the ball…but has to deal with Kramer, something of a “surrogate” girlfriend.
Jerry tells Jenna the truth about her toothbrush, causing her to put something of Jerry’s in the toilet, resulting in a mass purge of potential items in the toilet (“the whole apartment’s a biohazard!”) Kramer reveals he is the proud father of a mile of highway, and uses the apartment to clean spare parts, and reveals his plan for his mile’s 2-lane “comfort cruise.”
“The English Patient”
Kramer asks Jerry to bring back his “Cubans” from Del Boca Vista, which he later discovers are people. Kramer discovers they are in fact, Dominicans, not even Cubans. George tells the gang about the beautiful mystery woman at Monk’s who mistook him for her boyfriend.
Jerry hires a contractor, Conrad, to renovate his kitchen cabinets…and he ends up drastically overhauling the entire kitchen, adding in stools and a window to the kitchen counter.
“The Yada Yada”
Jerry reveals his suspicion regarding Whatley’s conversion, causing Kramer to chide Jerry for being a “rabid anti-dentite.” Kramer and Mickey fight over who to date when they pick up two women, and Mickey eventually proposes to one, just as Beth Lookner announces her second divorce, due to Elaine getting their adoption rejected.
Jerry mentions his new girlfriend uses her speed dial as a “relationship barometer,” and is later caught in a phone triangle with her and her jealous stepmother. Kramer stores his millennium party favors at the apartment, but is shocked to learn Newman is already hosting his own party. Elaine hires Kramer to help get revenge on Putumayo.
“The Muffin Tops”
Jerry reveals to Kramer that he shaved his chest, but Kramer warns him against the dangerous of long-term chest shaving. Elaine tells Kramer she published his stories in Peterman’s biography…and thus, Kramer unveils his “Peterman Reality Tour,” and begs Jerry to come along to generate buzz.
“The Summer Of George”
Jerry and George dissect Lanette’s “dude,” and his impact on Jerry’s relationship. Kramer unveils his newly-won Tony Award, but fears having to fire Raquel Welch from the production in exchange for the trophy. Elaine tries understanding the appeal of the catfight, while George starts his summer “decompression.”
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“The Butter Shave”
Jerry finds out Bania has been given the spot after him at a comedy showcase, so he decides to throw his set to leave Bania to his own devices. George scores an interview with Play Now, and exploits his limp into a full-fledged scooter. Kramer decides he needs a closer shave, so turns to…butter.
Jerry tells Claire about “the voice,” and gets dumped for doing so. She takes him back, but with the ultimatum he can never do it again. Jerry reaps in the dough after constantly winning bets that Elaine will continue to see Puddy. Kramer decides he needs an intern to assist with his daily life, and gets an NYU student to join “Kramerica Industries.”
“The Serenity Now”
The gang tells Jerry he cannot truly get mad. Due to this, an emotionally fragile Jerry declares his love for George, and proposes to Elaine, who initially turns him down. However, Elaine eventually accepts Jerry’s proposal, but by then he is back to his usual self and rejects her. Kramer tries a return attack on the “neighborhood” kids.
Jerry’s parents visit, and encourage him to stay healthy, as they have joined a new health plan. He ditches all junk food, but they send a trainer for Jerry…Izzy Mandelbaum. Kramer announces he’s withdrawing all his blood bank deposits, which he later donates to Jerry (thus becoming “blood brothers”) after Jerry cuts himself with an XACTO knife.
“The Junk Mail”
Jerry announces he’s getting a new car from “Fragile” Frankie Merman, and Kramer offers to help him sell the “big, juicy” van he ends up getting. Jerry gleefully reveals to Elaine that her new man is “The Wiz.” George comes up with a plan so his parents cannot let him go, while Kramer announces a vendetta against the postal service.
“The Merv Griffin Show”
Jerry’s is only seen from the outside, as Kramer interrupts him from entering by showing off his new “Merv Griffin Show” set.
George convinces Jerry to go on a revenge date with “pimple popper M.D.” – but is able to personally gain when it backfires, using Dr. Sitaredes to get Mr. Kruger shirtless. Kramer convinces Jerry the doctor gave him hives, until he discovers he got it from Kramer. Kramer gets a deli slicer, and helps Elaine feed her starving cat next door.
Flashbacks reveal Jerry first moving into the building, meeting Kramer for the first time and offering him pizza (“we’re neighbors, what’s mine is yours”), instigating perhaps the biggest mistake of his life.
Jerry discovers such a thing as “bad naked” after his girlfriend is constantly naked, and decides to show her his “bad naked” to stop it. Kramer maps out a new shower routine, and begs Jerry to help his technique. Elaine vents on Peggy using a seat cover in their office bathroom.
Jerry tells Kramer about Festivus, intriguing Kramer, who also announces his 12-year strike at H&H Bagels is over. George devises a plan to give out fake-charity gifts to his coworkers for Christmas, while Elaine devises a plan to get her Atomic Sub card back.
“The Reverse Peephole”
George reveals he bought a massage chair as a gift, but kept it for himself due to his oversized wallet. Kramer has to convince their super to reverse Newman’s eviction…even though Newman is sleeping with the super’s wife. Kramer reveals he found Joe Mayo’s fur coat, and makes Jerry wear it to let Kramer and Newman stay in the building.
Jerry yells at Kramer to keep his mouth shut, and Kramer vows to never speak again as a result. The gang meets George’s girlfriend Janet, who Kramer sees as being a “she-Jerry” that proves George secretly loves Jerry. Elaine reveals she is now a cartoonist for “The New Yorker.”
Jerry refuses to let someone in the building, who turns out to be his neighbor Phil from down the hall. Phil exacts revenge by allowing his parrot, Fredo, to sit and squawk in the hallway. Kramer purchases a strongbox to hold his “irreplaceables” after a robbery in the building.
Kramer announces he’s retiring, as his coffee table book was optioned for a movie. George lies to the Rosses about having a house in The Hamptons, and then begins an elaborate game of chicken when he finds out they know he’s lying.
Jerry gets the “it’s me” from Sophie, and finds out about her “tractor story” when he turns the tables on her. Jerry teaches George and Kramer about the art of showmanship. Kramer and Mickey practice their respective diseases for an acting job at a hospital.
Jerry finds out from his parents that Uncle Leo has prior convictions, and that they too often steal. Kramer and Newman debut their plan to have the homeless pull rickshaws across New York City.
Elaine sets up Jerry with Lisi, her sentence-finisher friend. Kramer warns the gang of a local serial killer, “The Lopper,” and shares his ideas for the killer’s nickname. Elaine vents about the nonstop cake parade at her office, but admits she ate $29,000 cake.
Jerry hires a maid from a cleaning service who he begins sleeping with, resulting in her essentially becoming a prostitute rather than a maid, as he pays her to come over, have sex, and leave without cleaning.
“The Puerto Rican Day”
Jerry’s apartment is shown, empty, for a quick check-in, before the action returns to the gang stuck in traffic.
Jerry introduces a series retrospective of highlights from his apartment, as the rest of the gang yells at him from the hallway to hurry for a movie.
The final appearance of the apartment in the series. Jerry gets the news that he and George are moving to California, but in the end he is away from his apartment for different reasons, as he is in prison for a year in Massachusetts.
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Curb Your Enthusiasm
Jerry’s apartment appears multiple times in the reunion episode, with Kramer questioning George on his Bernie Madoff investments, and Elaine and Jerry discussing revealing to Elaine’s daughter that Jerry is her biological father.
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Jerry and George step out of the apartment for a quick coffee (the apartment, however, remains unseen), where George criticizes Jerry for not putting out his favorite curly chips (Jerry: “I’m sick of the curly chip!”).