The Label Maker (season 6, episode 12)

written by Alec Berg & Jeff Schaffer, directed by Andy Ackerman
original airdate: January 19, 1995

Elaine and Jerry discover that Tim Whatley “re-gifted” a label maker. Kramer and Newman engage in a ferocious game of Risk. George feels threatened by his girlfriend’s male roommate. Everyone’s got Super Bowl fever and Jerry’s sickened by who ultimately joins him at the game.

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The Improv

Jerry’s Apartment
Jerry and Elaine engage in a game of cat and mouse with Dr. Tim Whatley, to determine if he regifted, degifted, and “is using an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Super Bowl sex romp!” Kramer and Newman engage in an epic battle of risk, using Jerry’s Apartment as a neutral playing ground.

Monk’s Café
Jerry and George discuss George’s new girlfriend’s roommate, who George needs to get out of the picture and become the only man in Bonnie’s life.

Joe Robbie Stadium (now Hard Rock Stadium)
347 Don Shula Dr., Miami Gardens, FLORIDA (map)
Jerry tries to give away Super Bowl XXIX tickets (in “row F, in front of the Gs…hobnobbing with the Ds and Es!”) to George so he can be in the Drake’s wedding party. Jerry gives them to Tim Whatley, who gives one to Newman, later Elaine, and then back to Jerry. Whatley gives his other one to Newman, as “he’s in love” with Elaine. The San Francisco 49ers won Super Bowl XXIX, defeating the San Diego Chargers 49-26 on Jan. 29, 1995.

CANADA (map)
Jerry mentions Kramer did not want his Super Bowl ticket because he’s only interested in Canadian football.

Mendy’s
61 E. 34th St., New York, NEW YORK (map)
nearest subway: 33rd Street (6)
Tim Whatley offers to take Jerry to Mendy’s as a thank you for the Super Bowl tickets…to Jerry’s horror.

SWITZERLAND (map)
Kramer wants to put the Risk game in a neutral place between his and Newman’s, declaring Jerry to be like Switzerland (Jerry: “I don’t wanna be Switzerland!”).

Bonnie’s apartment
New York, NEW YORK
George is living the life with his girlfriend, ensconced in velvet…until George forces out the roommate, and everything in the apartment.

Tim Whatley’s apartment
W. 77th St., between Central Park W. and Columbus Ave., New York, NEW YORK (map)
nearest subway: 81st Street – Museum Of Natural History (B,C)
Elaine gets herself invited up to Tim’s apartment, so she can determine if her Label Baby Junior was actually re-gifted to Jerry.

Congo Basin, AFRICA (map)
Kramer tells Newman he’s “taking the Congo as a penalty!” for sneaking in and cheating at Risk. “Notes About Nothing” on the Season 6 DVD brings up the Democratic Republic of the Congo (formerly Zaire) in reference to Kramer’s threat – however, the DRC did not change its name from Zaire until 1997 (two years after the episode aired), and the “Congo” territory in Risk actually comrpises of the entire Congo Basin, a 3.7 million square kilometer range that spreads across nine African countries (Angola, Cameroon, Central African Republic, Democratic Republic of the Congo, Republic of the Congo, Burundi, Rwanda, Tanzania and Zambia).

Michael’s Muffins (NOW CLOSED)
158 Seventh Ave., New York, NEW YORK (map)
nearest subway: 18th Street (1)
Elaine and Tim pass by here in their cab, talking about going “downtown” when they are at the Super Bowl.

Royal Ambassador Hotel (now Dream Hotel South Beach)
1111 Collins Ave., Miami Beach, FLORIDA (map)
Tim gets this hotel for Elaine and himself during the Super Bowl…right “downtown”. Elaine requests 2 beds…”for 2 of us” to avoid sleeping with Tim.

SOUTH AMERICA (map)
Kramer takes over the continent from Newman during their epic game of Risk…”and there ain’t nothing you can do about it!”

GREENLAND (map)
Kramer announces he’s built a stronghold around Greenland during his epic game of Risk with Newman.

WESTERN EUROPE (map)
Kramer has driven Newman out of Western Europe during their epic game of Risk.

UKRAINE (map)
Newman’s only hope to win his epic Risk game against Kramer are his armies in the Ukraine, which Kramer describes as “a sitting duck…a road apple…the Ukraine is weak, is feeble.” A Ukranian man standing nearby on the subway destroys their game, angrily yelling “Ukraine is game to you!”

Scott Thomas’ apartment
205 West End Ave., Apt. 25U, New York, NEW YORK (map)
nearest subway: 72nd Street (1,2,3)
George and Bonnie use the label maker to label Scott’s moving boxes, which fall off in the mail truck, and become, according to Newman and the US Postal Service, “FREEBIES!”