The Nose Job (season 3, episode 9)

written by Peter Mehlman, directed by Tom Cherones
original airdate: November 20, 1991

Jerry dates a sexy but shallow actress, forcing him to evaluate whether his penis or his brain rules his relationships. Kramer encourages George’s girlfriend Audrey to get a nose job, which goes horribly wrong.

FEATURED LOCATIONS

The Improv

Jerry’s Apartment
Kramer shockingly tells Audrey right to her face that she needs a nose job. Jerry has Kramer tear up Isabel’s number, but later desperately pieces it back together. His conflict over seeing Isabel comes to a head, when his brain and penis face off in a metaphorical chess match.

Monk’s Café
George desperately tries to avoid looking at Audrey after her botched nose job (for which he later confesses he is likely going to hell for), but is floored when she reveals her new nose after seeing Kramer’s surgeon.

newsstand
New York, NEW YORK
Jerry and George discuss their respective relationship problems at the newsstand.

England, UNITED KINGDOM (map)
Upon meeting Isabel, Jerry claims he’s responsible for the crop circles in England (which Isabel has no idea about).

MARYLAND (map)
In a deleted scene, Jerry asks Audrey if she plans on getting her own apartment or going back to Maryland, to which she replies “it depends,” referring to her relationship with George.

interview location
New York, NEW YORK
George goes for a job interview, but goes the entire time without realizing he has a piece of spinach in his teeth.

CALIFORNIA (map)
Kramer claims Elaine can pose as Wanda Pepper to get his jacket back, as the real Wanda lives in California, and her father’s landlord has never seen her.

Elaine’s Apartment
Audrey is revealed to be staying with Elaine while Tina is out of town, and reveals her first nose job to the gang, causing Kramer to declare “you were butchered!” and making George faint.

Long Island, NEW YORK (map)
George claims half his graduating class had nose jobs, but this is due to the fact he’s from Long Island.

HAWAII (map)
Audrey tries convincing George to visit Hawaii, forcing George to show great restraint against her dented nose: “Hawaii could be tricky this time of year…there’s a lot of high pressure winds down there this time of year, so there’s a lot of debris constantly flying around…like wood, and lava…”

Albert Pepper’s apartment
New York, NEW YORK
Kramer and Elaine successfully get Kramer’s mother’s jacket back, even though “Professor Van Nostrand” nearly comes to blows with the landlord.

reggae lounge
New York, NEW YORK
Kramer and Audrey leave the gang behind to go to the reggae lounge, leaving a stymied George to wonder what could have been.